SGA: Deadly Alliance
by InjuredPelican
Summary: The Deadly Alliance continues to tear the galaxy apart, while Riku has a taste of the darkside. Sora and Kairi must rush to save all they care about. The Super Team is ready, or are they
1. The deadly alliance

SGA: Deadly Alliance Part 1

Warning: This fic, like Sora's Grand Adventure (which you should read if you haven't.), is very retarded. Also like Sora's Grand Adventure, it has many random character deaths. So if you you get upset and flame me, don't say I didn't warn you!

I don't own any of these characters, except for Joint.

* * *

Cloud stumbled along a dark pathway outside, trying to get home. He was completely wasted drunk from Sora and Kairi's wedding party, and so he couldn't drive home to his lovely wife Tifa. As Cloud neared the shack he called home he tripped on a small round item and landed flat on his face. Cloud sat up and spit out dirt, all the while cursing his bad luck. "Double darnit! What the flip did I trip on!" Cloud, after fumbling around with the thing he was felled by, finally recognized the stone as a rare gem. "Ooh, perty," he said at his discovery. "Tifa would like this!" Just then, the bipedal mutt we all love to hate, Goofy, jumped out of the nearby bushes and landed on Cloud, planting him against the ground. 

"A gummie!" Goofy exclaimed, and then bites off Cloud's hand, consuming the orb as well. Cloud kicked free from under Goofy's suprising heavy wieght, and held onto his bleeding stump.

"You freakin', gravy-sucking pig!" Cloud, in his druken fury, quickly unleashed an Ultima attack upon the poor retard.

"Guarsh!" Goofy stands unfased as his torso begins expanding like a hot air balloon. Cloud eyed the enflated dog in confusion.

"What now?" As soon as Cloud uttered this question of uncertianty, Goofy exploded into a bloody mess. Cloud's eyes widen as he beholds a strange creature now standing where Goofy's splattered remains lay. The creature was only three feet tall, had black fur, and wore both bright red thermal underwear and a bloody and ripped scarf around his neck. His eyes glowed with the flames of Hades, and his unnerving toothy grin completed the terrifying image of the little demonic being. "W-who are you?" Cloud questioned.

"I am Joint," the short devil answered with a high and raspy voice. "And I will be your doom."

"I didn't ask for your life story! Sheesh!" Cloud chastised.

"Shut up, before your destined way of death increases in pain!" Joint threatend the drunken fool.

"Stupid! I'll kill you, just like I killed Goofy!" Cloud declared.

"Fool! I killed Goofy and absorbed his protiens and kidneys! Don't ask why," Joint added.

"Why?" Cloud asked stupidly.

"Are you freakin' deaf?" Joint exclaimed. "I said don't ask why!" Joint slapped Cloud across the cheek, causing the swordsman to tear up.

"Now you made me cry! WAAH!" Cloud bawled hopelessly. Cloud's cries caused Tifa to come running up from their home.

"Oh, Cloud, don't cry," Tifa tried to stifle his tears. Tifa turned to Joint with the angry glare of a protective mother. "You listen here, mister! I don't tolerate anyone abusing my Cloud!" Tifa grabbed both sides of his waist, spun him in the air, and brought him hard into the ground with a powerbomb. Joint jerked as he readjusted his spine, and quickly hopped back on to his large furry feet.

"I don't tolerate abusing me!" Joint pulled back his arm and sent it forward, delivering a crushing sucker punch to Tifa's face. Tifa bounced across the ground and held her damaged jaw. Cloud stood straight up and a huge hateful aura burst forth from him.

"You'll pay for that!" Cloud tossed a handful of pebbles at Joint's face. Joint shielded his eyes and retaliated by throwing dirt into Cloud's eyes. "Stupid, poop head!" Cloud brought his strong jaws down on Joint's ear, and pulled as hard as he could.

"Ow! Stop it!" Joint elbowed Cloud in the nose, finally freeing his chewed up ear. Tifa finally sprung into action.

"Raugh!" Tifa roared as she poked Joint right in the eyes, and followed up with a high kick to the groin. Joint hit the dirty ground and rocked back and forth while holding himself.

"Pain! Terrible pain!" Joint recovered and shot forward, grabbed Tifa by her hair, and swung her across the air, busting Cloud in the leg. Both of them rolled painfully to a dead stop on the ground, unconcious. "Muahahaha!" Joint laughed triumphantly. "Golem! Golem!" he coughed.

"What's so funny? I must of missed something," Donald attempted at a cool entrance, failing miserably. Joint licked his lips at the site of the large water fowl.

"Roasted duck!" Joint breathes fire and sets Donald aflame. Donald ran about while burning to death and finally fell over, about ready to die.

"Sora, hear my cry!" Donald called out with his soul, trying to reach the Keyblade master. "A-ah-ah-ah-ah-allrighty then!" (Its from Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls.)

* * *

(At Sora and Kairi's honeymoon suite.) 

"Oh, Kairi, your so good," Sora said.

"Oh, I know it," Kairi answered in a sexy manner.

"This is the best game of Scrabble ever," Sora said happily. Both lay on their queen-sized bed while playing Scrabble, in their nice little square room encompusing a small kitchen and a TV set, as well as a bathroom with a large enough bath tub for two. Kairi scans her letters and puts down the word 'ZFLANXA'.

"Triple bypas heart surgery!" Kairi raised her slender arms up in excitement. Sora looked at her confused.

"Don't you mean triple word score?" Sora corrected. Just then he sat up straight and began shaking. Kairi stood up in surprise and concern.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Kairi questioned her young husband. Sora turned with wide eyes.

"Somebody killed Donald! Somebody evil!" Sora worried. Kairi sat back down, no longer startled.

"I'd say killing Donald's a good thing. Don't worry about it," Kairi pursuaded Sora to calm down.

"You're probably right," Sora sighed still suspicious. Kairi came closer to her husband and began fiddling with his shirt buttons.

"How 'bout we have some real fun?" Kairi asked seductively as she turned off the light.

* * *

(Back outside Cloud's place.) 

"Foolish poultry man," Joint chided as he stood over the scorched and lifeless body of Donald," everyone hates you. Your call has fallen on dead ears." Pretty much out of nowhere, Clayton, mounted on a huge gorilla, appeared before Joint.

"I have felt your power, and have come with an offer," Clayton smoothly began. "Come Joint! Together we can rule the galaxy as hunter and freak!"

"Can I have figgy pudding (has anyone eaten some recently? I don't really know what the stuff is.)?" Joint asked with stars in his eyes.

"But of course," Clayton answered.

"Then I'm in!" Joint agreed. He jumped onto the gorilla, and they all flew off to enact their plan. Cloud had woken from his involuntary slumber a while ago, and had heard all that was said.

"I must prevent this evil!" Cloud then braced his head with his one hand. "After my hangover."

And thus the Deadly Alliance is formed.

* * *

(The Tower of Bad.) 

Within the dark and twisting corridors of this evil construction, the Council of Death (doom is already taken.) hold their secret meeting with only the greatest, most evilest members. Spawn, Bowser, Cell, and Count Dooku all sit in their comfy arm chairs watching the current events on their little crystal ball, which displayed Clayton and Joint.

"This event is most disturbing," Spawn spoke first.

"I still say the hunter and the freak are gay," Cell scoffed.

"This problem doesn't compare to the power of the Dark Side," Count Dooku mused. Bowser turned to Dooku.

"We don't believe in your retarded 'force' thingy!" Bowser said, just trying to pick a fight.

"Speak for yourself!" Spawn responded. Dooku stared into Bowsers large reptilian eyes.

"Perhaps I can change your mind!" Dooku launched himself into the air and knocked Bowser out of his chair. Dooku then impaled Bowser through the heart. "What do you think now, sucka? Huh?" Dooku huffed.

"I believe he's dead," Cell told the upset Sith Lord.

"Oh." Dooku stood somewhat dumbly. "Oh well, lets go kill those idiots!"

* * *

To Be Continued... 

Please Review! Tell me what you thought and tell me if I need to improve on anything!


	2. The plot thickens, like soup!

SGA: Deadly Alliance Part 2

Thank you all for your wonderful reviews!

I don't own any of these characters, except for Joint. I also don't own any major food chains.

This fic will probably contain farmore action and fighting scenes then Sora's Grand Adventure, but all my insane, random humour will still dominate.

* * *

Our scene opens on Clayton and Joint happily enjoying the Shoney's seafood buffet. Clayton carves away at greasy, deep fried baby seal, while Joint chowed down on a sea horse seaweed salad. "So what's the master plan, old chap," Joint spoke up, his mouth full of food. Clayton then hunched over and began speaking quietly.

"Here it is," Clayton began," we will gather all the gorillas throughout the planet and take over the world. It will be called Gorilla Earth!" Clayton declared with triumph, with his hand to his heart and in a dynamic pose.

"How about 'Planet of the Apes'?" the dimminuative demon suggested. Clayton's eyes widenend at the name given.

"Marvelous, truly it is a name devised by God Himself," Clayton mused. "We have to go now! I can't wait any longer..."

"Where do you think your going?" Spawn asked sarcasticaly, as he, Dooku, and Cell stepped out of a dimensional portal.

"I will destroy you, you sad excuse for a badguy," Dooku threatend as well as insulted.

"I'm going to eat some shrimp," Cell said as he gazed at the appealing buffet tables. Clayton and Joint sprung from their chairs and fell into fighting stances.

"None of you compare to Joint and my strength!" Clayton bragged.

"Yeah!" Joint yelled in agreement as he charged his ki. Spawn charged forward towards Joint and swung his mighty axe, Agony, in an attempt to slice him in half, but Joint side stepped him and tripped him, causing him to fall to his face. Cell waltzed over to the buffet table and began gorging himself. Dooku reached out with his left arm and unleashed a powerful force push, launching Clayton into the wall and many other people through windows and cars outside. Clayton fired his shotgun as he rose, but Dooku spun his lightsaber like a fan, catching every particle of the shotgun blast. Dooku smiled hautily, but quickly frowned with disgust when Clayton returned it with a sadistic sneer and a switching on of his double-bladed lightsaber.

"Now the true battle begins," Clayton announced as he desplayed his skills by swinging his saber about. Both clashed with quick and deadly blows, neither gave way. Spawn pushed himself off the ground and into the air and whipped out two grenade launchers. He began firing them like a madman as he sailed through the air, Joint flipped back to avoid the explosions of fire and shrapnel. Unfortanetly, the people who had not managed to escape from the resturaunt were severly wounded or killed by all the villian's fighting. Blood splatters on the walls grew more numerous, as well as damaged chairs and tables.

"Give up so I can kill you peacefully!" Spawn commanded as he continued his explosive barrage. Joint jumped back once more and landed on the buffet table and found a salmon.

"Eat this!" Joint flung the raw fish at Spawn, and it seered right through his chest, spraying necroplasm everywhere.

"How did you know fish was my weakness?" Spawn despaired, and then promptly exploded into a green, acidic mess. Joint then turned to Cell, who curently had a massive amount of food stuffed in his mouth, making his cheeks expand like that of a chipmunk.

"I sqush buggie now!" Joint screamed insanely. Cell swallowed and glared.

"Shut up you little freak! I'm eating fishsticks!" Cell then continued to eat, with Joint simply joining him. Clayton and Dooku exchange blow after blow, but finally Clayton sliced Dooku's lightsaber in two. He kicked the Sith onto his rear and aimed his red blade at his neck.

"Muahahaha, you disappoint me," Clayton taunted.

"This is far from over!" Dooku raised his arms and caused the ceiling to collapse above Clayton's beloved shotgun. Clayton lost his focus and Dooku scampered off and escaped with a stolen car.

"No!" Clayton grabbed Joint and used him to deflect the falling plaster in order to protect his gun. "Oh my precious," Clayton embraced his weapon. Cell then noticed that Spawn was dead, and that Dooku had run off. Cell dropped to his knees and kissed Clayton's feet.

"My lord, Clayton!" Cell exclaimed. "Please allow me to serve you." Clayton pulled Cell to his feet.

"You shall be a great asset in our quest," Clayton said. "You shall follow as our disciple, and many more will come."

* * *

(In an unfriendly looking and deserted town.)

Dooku drove the tiny robin's egg blue car to a stop just right outside an empty warehouse. Dooku left the stolen vehicle and entered the dark, foreboding place. Inside a creepy man in a black robe met him.

"My master, Clayton is stronger than we feared," Clayton announced with a bow.

"A true Sith doesn't know fear," the dark man answered with a hateful, raspy voice. Dooku raised his head to respond.

"But, Master-" his master cut him off abruptly.

"You are a fool, and a dead one at that!" he then gripped Dooku's lungs with the force and crushed them slowly. Dooku struggled in vain, but finally spit up some blood and his face fell into the puddle. Dooku's master looked down on the now dead Sith with contempt. "Darth Sideous may have to emerge sooner then I hoped," he said, referring to himself. He then entered a black space fighter and took off into the air.

* * *

(Corusaunt.)

Yoda and Mace Windu sat within the Jedi Temple, meditating on the Force. "The evil alliance of Clayton, Joint, and Cell must be stopped," Mace Windu spoke up, breaking both Jedis' focus.

"Agreed am I," Yoda answered," but how to stop it, know I do not (its hard righting like Yoda talks.)." Just then a Jedi master, out of breath and sweating, trudged into the room.

"Masters, their is a great and powerful enemy outside," the Jedi exclaimed in terror.

"Chill out you must," Yoda said," remember your training."

"I'll deal with this," Mace announced. He then grabbed his lightsaber off his belt and jumped out an open window, landing on a suspended platform where a fierce dark Jedi fought against some clone troopers and two Jedi. The Sith continued to slay the clones easily, while the two Jedi fared a bit better. "Stop, Sith!" Mace yelled as he ignited his purple lightsaber and jumped in front of the dark Jedi.

"I don't take orders from you!" the Sith swung his double-bladed lightsaber as hard as he could, but Mace parried it with ease.

"Give up before I'm forced to finish you off!" Mace warned. The Sith scowled and Force pushed Mace nearly off the edge. The Sith then gripped the three remaining clone troopers and two Jedi with the Force and snapped all of them in half, killing all of them instantly. Mace jumped back up and was horrified at the Sith's power. "Then I have no choice." Mace sprung forward in his Vaapad saber style, ready to kill, but the Sith caught him by the neck and kicked him into the traffic below. Mace, using the Force, landed on a car smoothly and jumped back on to the platform, but the Sith was no longer paying attention to him. The Sith stared menacingly at a tall silver haired boy, who was glaring back.

"You stole my lunch money, you hotdog head!" Riku raced forward, grabbed both of the dead Jedis' lightsabers, and began lightsaber fighting with the dark Jedi. Blue and green clashed against two red twirling blades at incredible speeds. "Die!" Riku then cut off the Sith's arms and flattened him with Gravity magic. Mace ran up to the teenager with his eyes wide and his mouth open.

"That's amazing!" Mace exclaimed. "You bested a Sith that almost killed me! You must be the Chosen One!" Mace grabbed Riku and took him to the Jedi council. "Master Yoda! I have found him! I have found the Chosen One!" he declared before the Jedi.

"Supplied us with a new ally, the Force has!" Yoda exclaimed in agreement. All the Jedi started dancing and they all threw a big party in celebration. Riku knew he wasn't really the Chosen One, but hey, free food.

* * *

(At the Mos Eisley Cantina.)

Sora and Kairi sat at a two-person table sipping martinis (what's with all this under aged drinking?) and enjoying the odd band of aliens. A Twi-lek waitress walked up with two plates of steaming hot food, which she placed on the small table. Sora looked at his meal and frowned. "I don't want this! I ordered a guacamole mushroom pie! Not Nikes!" he yelled exasperated at the steaming shoes in front of him.

"I'm sorry, sir, its my first day," the waitress pleaded for forgiveness.

"Sorry doesn't cut it! Why don't you just step off a cliff!" Sora yelled angrily. The waitress ran away crying.

"That was fun!" Kairi said happily. "Hey, Sora, lets turn to the Dark Side!" she suggested.

"Okay!' Sora agreed. He then stood up and shot out Force lightning across the cantina, frying most of the customers and the band. "Muahahaha!" Sora laughed evilly. Kairi threw the bar tender through the ceiling and into the desert air.

"Hee-hee!" Kairi laughed. They both then stole a speeder bike and raced off through the desert, while Darth Maul's theme song played in the background. Up above the empty desert, Son Goku rode his Nimbus cloud through the air, while watching the dragon radar. He then noticed Sora and Kairi on a speeder bike.

"Hey! A speeder bike!" he exclaimed. "Power Pole! Extend!" he extended the pole to great lengths and crashed the bike. Sora and Kairi tumbled across the rocky terrain, and finally stopped in a mud puddle.

"What's the big idea, buttface?" Sora demanded as he and Kairi walked out of the mud, all covered in filth.

"Sora! I broke a nail!" Kairi started crying pitifully. Goku hopped off Nimbus and stood.

"Have you guys seen any dragonballs?" Goku asked, not noticing the anger in Sora's eyes, and his bulging muscles.

"I'm going to break your dragonballs!" Sora threatened.

* * *

To Be Continued...

Please Review! Once again, thanks for all your input! It makes me feel so happy!


	3. The plot gets thick like Jello!

SGA: Deadly Alliance Part 3 Thank you for more reviews! Aerith was in the last chapter at the wedding party, and she was dancing with Trunks. The reason I haven't used her any other times is I'm not really a huge fan of her, and she isn't wacky enough for my bizarre stories. Maybe her and Trunks will show up later, who knows? This fic is random anyways! 

Sorry I took forever to update! Please forgive me! Hopefully this chapter will make up for it!

* * *

Riku stood in the large council chamber after ten strenuous days of training as a Jedi Knight. He was finally on his last trial; the verbal test. All the council members sat to watch this most important event, all excited to see how 'the chosen one' faired. Mace sat with a small flat device that displayed the test questions. "How do you feel?" Ki Adi Mundi, cone head Jedi, opened up with a small survey.

"I feel like taking a shower," Riku replied. All the Jedi held their chins in deep thought. "Don't meditate on that! I don't want to be taking a shower in your minds!"

"Afraid, I sense you are," Yoda spoke up.

"Afraid, to lose your mother," Ki Adi questioned. Riku stared in shock.

"How'd you know? How did you know I'm afraid my dad will kill her out of his psycho, drunk fits?" Riku demanded.

"See through you, we can," Yoda replied. Riku was now very uncomfortable.

"Calm down, we always just like giving people a hard time." Mace persuaded with a smile," its pretty boring just sitting around and pretending to meditate on the Force." All the other Jedi cracked a smile, enjoying the suffering of poor Riku. Riku's eyes flashed a frightening yellow-red for just an instant, and then subsided.

"Well I don't appreciate it! Just give me the test already!" Riku commanded. The Jedi all returned to their stern and boring selves (I don't really think its boring, but Riku does).

"Allrighty then, we have only one question, but if you pass it, it means you are the Chosen One, but if you don't, then we'll kick you back out into the streets," Mace explained nonchalant. "Okay, how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?" Mace asked, very seriously. Riku crossed his arms and lowered his gaze to the floor in concentration. Finally, he reverted back to his confident self and answered:

"Forty-two." All the Jedi's mouths almost dropped to the floor (those with mouths anyways) as they stared in amazement. Even Mace and Yoda stared in amazement.

"No one has ever answered it correctly! You are the Chosen One!" Mace exclaimed. He then grabbed Yoda's extended arms and spun around in celebration. The other Jedi danced about too (quite some party people, eh?). They finally settled down and sat back down as serious as they could.

"You must receive the all powerful gift now!" Yoda pulled out an old wooden case from under his chair and blew the dust off the top. He then opened it with all the Jedi over his shoulder looking on with happy, tear filled eyes. The inside glowed with an odd, mysterious aura, which emanated off the beautiful golden saber hilt he pulled out. "Your saber," Yoda passed it to him with the Force. Riku gripped it and flicked the switch, igniting a bright, pinkish blade.

"Pink!" Riku stated angrily. The Jedi eyed the teen with dismay.

"The ultimate lightsaber it is! Do not speak of it with such disrespect!" Yoda ordered as he ripped the saber away from Riku's hand. "Not ready to wield it you are," Yoda said sadly.

"Wait. I didn't mean it," Riku began," I like pink! I was just surprised!"

"Oh, all right," Yoda gave it back to Riku proudly.

* * *

(In Darth Sideous' ship.)

"Riku will become my new apprentice, I know it," Sideous said confidently as he felt Riku's strong anger through the Force. Just then, a beep for a transmission came from the ship's communications system, right as the ship dropped out of hyperspace in front of Earth (that's where Clayton and Joint are). Sideous pressed a button to activate the holocomm, causing a frightening droid like being to appear. "What news do you bring, General Grievous?" the Sith Lord questioned.

"I am closing in on Clayton and Joint with my droid army as you commanded," Grievous replied.

"Good. Just be warned that the Jedi will soon be involved," Sideous told the cyborg.

"I await the chance to end them," Grievous answered sinisterly, and full of hate.

"I am glad to hear it." Sideous cut off the transmission and took the helm of his ship, steering it down towards... Destiny Islands!

* * *

(Back in Tatooine.)

Sora ran up angrily to Goku and punted him in the groin. The Saiyan gasped in pain and crouched over the ground on his hands and knees. "Butt hole!" Sora yelled. He lifted Goku's head up and spit a big lougie into Goku's eyes.

"Sorry! Gosh!" Goku cried for mercy.

"Let's kill him, Sora!" Kairi suggested evilly.

"All right!" Sora agreed as he unleashed a wave of Force lightning on Goku. The Saiyan screamed in pain as his skeleton flashed visibly from time to time.

"Gah! Ow! Haaaaaah!" Goku yelled as he turned Super Saiyan. Goku now just stood, not receiving any pain any longer.

"Why aren't you frying anymore!" Sora demanded as he intensified the lightning.

"Thanks, I was a little chilly," Goku taunted.

"In the desert? What a retard!" Kairi kicked Goku in the groin. Goku fell back onto his hands and knees in agony, while Sora and Kairi continued to kick him in the crotch. Goku finally collapsed in pain and exploded all over the two evil doers. "Ew! I have blood all over me now!" Kairi whined as she flailed her limbs in an attempt to clean herself off.

"We'll just have to get some new clothes," Sora tried to calm her. "Maybe we can get some clothes that fit our new evil selves better."

"Okay!" Kairi was now excited about the idea of shopping for dark Gothic clothing. As they headed off for a store, Sora stepped onto Goku's dragon radar.

"Sweet! We should search for the dragonballs and wish for something diabolically apocolyptic (quite a mouthful. Try saying it three times fast!)!"

"That's the bestest idea ever!" Kairi agreed. She almost kissed Sora, but then remembered all the blood all over them. Sora then picked Kairi up and flew off towards a clothes department.

* * *

(At the Zoo.)

Clayton broke open the gorilla cages, releasing the wild creatures upon unsuspecting visitors. "Be free my gorilla friends! Be free!"

"And kill and maim!" Joint yelled encouragement.

"Ahhh!" an unfortunate man yelled as his face was chewed off by a particularly fierce gorilla.

"Fear our primitive wrath and our bad odor!"

"Now our gorilla army may begin the takeover of this pitiful planet, and force the surviving population to serve us!" Clayton declared proudly as his gorillas all roared out with excitement.

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Superman also declared from where he stood all tough and heroic looking.

"Eat Kryptonite!" Joint exclaimed as he held up the green glowing weakness of Superman.

"Sorry, but Kryptonite doesn't work on me anymore," Superman laughed triumphantly. "I traded invincibility in for being Kryptonite proof," Superman said as if it was an intelligent barter.

"Whatever, idiot!" Joint impaled the dumb superhero with the Kryptonite, fatally wounding him.

"No!" Superman keeled over dead.

"Anyways... can I own Australia?" Cell asked Clayton.

"Sure!" the hunter agreed.

* * *

To Be Continued...

Sorry for a smaller amount of Sora and Kairi again, but I promise there will be a lot more of them in the next chapter.


	4. War! Its War! And a handless Cloud!

SGA: Deadly Alliance Part 4 Thank you all, you loyal fans. I'm sorry for such slow updates, but its hard thinking up insane stuff sometimes. At least any that can be written down. As I promised, Sora and Kairi will be in this a lot more. When they said something about getting Gothic clothing, they didn't know what they were talking about. They're rather pathetic bad guys.

* * *

Sora and Kairi landed softly on the sidewalk of Destiny Island's capital city; I'll just call it Destiny City. As they walked on towards the department store, many normal people turned their heads in confusion at the blood-covered appearance of our two 'heroes'. Needless to say, they also disturbed the store customers and employees. Sora quickly grabbed some black leather clothing, while Kairi picked some leather clothes up as well. Both washed themselves as best they could with the bathroom sink, and then got dressed in their new clothes. They both walked out of the fitting room and checked each other out. Sora wore a biker jacket over his bare chest, biker pants, and huge combat boots. Kairi's outfit was similar, except she wore a black bikini top and high-heeled boots. "You look nice," Kairi said, licking her lips. 

"Ditto," Sora answered. They both grabbed a pair of sunglasses conveniently placed within reach. And strode towards the exit like Neo and Trinity.

"Hey! You got to pay for that!" the store clerk yelled at the two, obviously displeased.

"Paper or plastic?" Sora asked, still in bad boy mode.

"Paper, preferably," the clerk answered. Sora waded up a piece of paper and spun around at the blink of an eye and threw the paper wad straight through the clerk's head. "Keep the change." All the other people in the store stared horrified at the corpse on the ground, and then at the evildoers. Sora and Kairi then walked out of the store into the seemingly normal city. But something was amiss. Both teens looked up into the air as at least thirty huge star ships fell out of hyperspace. They then released thousands of fighters onto the unsuspecting planet.

"Crap!" Kairi exclaimed.

"What's wrong?" Sora asked.

"Duh! There's a whole fleet of enemy star ships above us, and there's one over our island!" Kairi replied, upset by the situation.

"Then we better go help our friends out!" Sora scooped up Kairi once again and blasted off towards their home.

* * *

(The Zoo, A.K.A. Clayton's new base.) 

Clayton, Joint, and Cell all stood atop their stage as the fierce gorilla army marched in. "My brothers in arms! We will crush the enemy and liberate the apes of the world! None can stop us!" Clayton yelled out.

"None!" the gorillas cried out in agreement.

"And now, your new general will lead you to glory!" Clayton motioned toward a evil looking chimp with a big helmet and a cape. He also wore white gloves and boots, and a blue tunic. "General Mojo Jojo!" Cheers roared out as everyone acknowladged their new commander.

"I will lead you to glory, for I am Mojo Jojo!" the vile chimp declared. More hollering followed. Just then, five huge star ships appeared in the air.

"The enemy is here! Now we will destroy them for their arrogance!" Clayton proclaimed. "To arms!" All the gorillas picked up their assualt rifles, explosives, etc. Many gorilla star fighters shot into the air, ready to take on their foes. Explosions were every where in the air and on the ground. Clayton, Joint, and Cell all fell back to their secret hide out. The enemy ground forces finally touched down and marched forward, killing and being killed. General Grievous lead them towards Clayton's hide out, knowing he must end this at the source. Grievous sliced the huge metal doors off with two blue lightsabers and charged through.

"Stop right there, General!" Cell ordered as soon as Grievous came into the large computer room. All around there were apes working on computers and up on a balcony stood Clayton and Joint.

"I don't think so!" Grievous fell into his fighting stance, causing Cell to follow suit.

* * *

( The Jedi Temple.) 

"Master!" a young Jedi ran into the council chamber.

"What news do you bring?" Mace Windu asked the out of breath Jedi.

"The war has started!" the Jedi then fell dead, seering holes in his back.

"Darnit! We must move quickly and destroy both our enemies!" Mace Windu comanded as he stood. "Prepare our troops!" Thousands of Republic soldiers marched into their humongous ships, lead by their Jedi generals. Yoda, Mace, and Riku all stood on the deck of the main ship.

"The lead general, Riku, you will be," Yoda told the young Jedi.

"Thank you master," Riku bowed in respect and then walked off to his troops.

"I know he's the chosen one, but I can't help but doubt his alliegance," Mace said.

"Much anger he has, but destroy the Sith, he will ," Yoda replied. Mace nodded his head in agreement.

* * *

(Destiny Islands: Sora's Island.) 

"Hahahaha!" Sideous laghed evily as he walked off his ship. The large ship had drawn the residents attention, and they were all staring at the dark lord. "Are you all Sora's friends?" Sideous asked.

"I like to think so," Cloud answered for all of them.

"Then die!" Sideous shot out Force lightning suddenly, blowing Cloud into the air.

"You'll pay for that!" Trunks charged forward with his sword drawn.

"Fool!" Sideous blocked Trunks sword with his blood red lightsaber. and threw him into the huge hill above the little pond with the Force. Just then, hundreds of droids landed in their carrier ships and began firing on the poor island residents. Trunks recooperated and began destroying droids with his ki, while the others all used their weapons and magic. Aerith stood back and healed who ever needed it, and Cloud went towards Sideous. Cloud swung like a mad man, but Sideous dodged or parried each sword blow. Finally he lunged forward and sliced Clouds right hand off, ridding him of the Buster Sword.

"Ow! Do you know how much it costs for replacement limbs!" Cloud swung a punch at Sideous, only to lose his other hand as well. "Crap!" Cloud kneeled in pain, and Sideous raised his blade, ready to strike Cloud down. But Sideous was knocked over onto his back by a massive gust of wind.

"Now you have to fight us!" Sora said darkly. Kairi jumped from his arms onto her feet, and both whipped out Keyblades. Sora had his Ultima Weapon, while Kairi had her Key flail (a keyblade with a chain).

"You can't handle the true power of the Dark Side!" Sideous began hovering with his power, and unleashed a terrifying wave of lightning. Sora and Kairi barely blocked, and then absorbed the energy.

"Come on Gramps!" Kairi taunted.

"You dare mock me? Prepare for a horrible death!"

* * *

To Be Continued...

Please Review! And if you've seen Star Wars Episode 3, you should tell me what you thought of the movie. If you can't tell by this fic, I love Star Wars!


	5. Mmm, Candy!

SGA: Deadly Alliance

Part 5

You know what? I forgot the disclaimers in the last two chapters! Here it is: I don't own nothin' but Joint!

Thank you for reviews! I don't have anything to say other than that, so onto the story!

* * *

The buzz of lightsabers and the clang of steel wrung out as Sora and Kairi battled for their lives. Sideous never fell back; he was constantly attacking, keeping our two heroes on the defensive the whole fight thus far. "Get back!" Sora yelled out as he unleashed a huge Ultima attack, blowing the Sith Lord away for the moment. Both warriors fell to their knees, huffing from the speed of the battle. "Kairi, you have to go! We can't win this fight, but you can go on and live!" Sora commanded his young wife.

"I can't leave you here to die! You have to help take care of our children!" Kairi answered, confidence in her voice. "I can't live with out you!" Both looked into each other's eyes, their faces shining with love.

"SHUT UP!" A huge Force Storm ripping through the ground flung Sora and Kairi into the air. "I can't stand that crap!" Sideous scowled, even angrier then before. He lunged forward and swiped at the suspended Kairi, who barely blocked his frightening blood red saber.

"Get away from her!" Sora blasted into the air and busted Sideous in the face, sending him straight into the ground. Sideous jumped up, hated emanating off him.

"You will die!" Sideous jumped backwards onto a carrier ship that was flying back to the star cruiser above the small island. All of the droid forces turned their aim toward Sora and Kairi and began firing all they had. Lasers, missiles, and bombs all flew at Sora and Kairi from every angle. Suddenly, all the approaching fire exploded or dissipated as a huge Ultima wave shot out from all of the island warriors. The Ultima then consumed the remaining droids, destroying every one of them. Sora and Kairi fell onto their backs, exhausted from combat, while their friends rushed to help them.

* * *

(At the Zoo, within Clayton's base.)

"Kamehameha!" Cell fired off a thick blue beam, which Grievous dodged with ease.

"Pathetic! This is a true attack!" Grievous bounded forward and lobbed off Cell's arms with two quick swings, and slid to a halt behind him. Cell cringed, but then he just grew back his arms.

"Ha, ha! I can regenerate and you can't!" Cell stuck his tongue out at Grievous. Grievous just scoffed.

"I was just testing the rumors, now I'll kill you," Grievous said as-a-matter-of-factly. He began rotating his two blades like industrial fans and sprung forward. Cell hopped to the side, but Grievous sliced him in half with a saber swing using his foot.

"This won't stop me!" Cell warned as he began to pull himself together.

"This will," Grievous brought down his spinning blades and began disintegrating Cell as quick and efficient as a blender.

"AAAAHHHH!" Cell cried out as he was completely dissipated. Grievous stood up from his handy-work and glared at Clayton and Joint, who were laughing hysterically at the spectacle.

"You find your comrades death amusing? Then it'll really tickle you when I kill you in similar fashion," Grievous said, confused by their reactions. Clayton and Joint put on serious faces once again.

"Well I forgot Cell was even on our team, he fought so pathetically," Clayton answered. "He was just a side show freak, as are you."

"You'll die for those words!" Grievous leaped up onto the balcony and began swinging furiously. Clayton jumped back; while Joint barely dodged the droid general's assault. Grievous flipped over the midget and kicked him to the ground below and moved in on his real target. Clayton. Clayton crawled backwards in a vain attempt to escape.

"Go away, you monster!" Clayton whipped out his trusty shotgun and fired on the surprised Grievous, blowing off the balcony. He bounced along the ground, but he quickly recuperated and stood ready to attack once more. "Come, Joint! We must escape for now!" Both the hunter and the maniac shot through a open way in the ceiling with their concealed jet packs, leaving Grievous and the gorilla scientists behind. Grievous stared on, thinking on what to do next, when the building was nearly rocked off its foundation. Seven Jedi fell from a new hole in the roof and landed before Grievous.

"You are under arrest by the Jedi!" one, obviously the leader, Jedi told Grievous. "Put your hands up and come quietly."

"You've just dug your own graves!" Grievous sprung forward and sliced the leader in half, while blocking all six other lightsabers. Grievous stabbed all six with all of his limbs, killing them swiftly. "Tell Sideous the Jedi have entered the war!" Grievous ordered a battle droid.

"Roger, roger," the droid ran off to complete his task.

* * *

(Outside the hidden base.)

"Charge!" Riku called out as he and hundreds of Republic soldiers ran into battle. Enemy after enemy fell to Riku's pink blade. Gorillas, battle droids, and human soldiers lay strewn about in various states of dismemberment all over the increasingly bloody battlefield. Riku felt all the death around him, the hate and malice at levels to strong for any Jedi to ignore.

'Give into your hate! Kill them all with out mercy!' a dark and raspy voice rang through Riku's head.

"That's not the Jedi way," Riku argued with the disembodied voice.

'Screw the Jedi! They suck! On the Dark Side you can get hot babes and eat candy all the time!' the voice persuaded.

"Mmm! Candy!" Riku began salivating.

'Yes, candy!'

"Sir! General Grievous' forces approach, as well as Mojo Jojo's!" a trooper yelled to Riku.

"Then prepare for a tough battle!" Riku raised his pink shimmering lightsaber straight up into the air. They all rushed forward to meet the oncoming enemy.

* * *

(In a space station.)

"Ah, now here is the power I desire!" Clayton gripped a large ruby in both hands. "Those monkey's finally got what I wanted."

"But what is it, boss?" Joint asked.

"The mystical ruby of misery! Muahahahaha!"

* * *

To Be Continued...

Please Review! More craziness is on the way!


	6. Zebra Cakes! Not Twinkies! Zebra Cakes!

SGA: Deadly Alliance Part 6 

Sorry for abandoning you guys. I was just frustrated and I had started too many fanfics at the time. But, now I'm back, and I have new crazy ideas!

* * *

Bright light burned harshly into Sora's open eyes. Sitting up, Sora looked about his room on Destiny Island. He noticed Kairi lying asleep next to him.

"How'd I get here?" Sora asked baffled.

"Don't you remember?" Cloud asked, leaning against the doorpost of the room. He'd replaced his hands once more.

"Oh yeah!" Sora hopped out of bed and noticed his ripped up clothing. "Seems it's time for another costume change!"

"Good, cause the team has to assemble. Why don't you and Kairi join us this time?" Cloud invited.

"Okay! Do we get to wear groovy leather outfits?" Sora pleaded.

"Heck yeah!" Cloud answered, just as excited as Sora now.

"Suit up!"

* * *

(On the battlefield.)

Humming and buzzing, Riku's pink lightsaber sliced through numerous foes. A gorilla's head here, a droid arm there. Riku charged through the line, beating back enemy forces as he moved swiftly. It had been hours of combat, but neither forces backed down.

"Lunch break!" a gorilla screamed. Suddenly, everyone stopped fighting and pulled out sack lunches, except for the droids of course. They whipped out hot oil mugs.

"Goodie! I'm so freaking starved, I could eat a greasy elephant butt about now!" Riku plopped down and pulled out his own sack lunch. As he pulled out its contents, Riku grew angry. "Where are my flipping Zebra Cakes?"

"What seems to be the matter, Riku?" Mace Windu Riku asked the distraught teen while standing over Riku. Riku stood and turned toward Mace.

'Mace stole your Zebra Cakes!' Sideous persuaded Riku. 'He must be punished!"

"What did you do with them?" Riku demanded.

"With what?" Mace asked, quite confused. Riku's eyes bulged and were bloodshot. Riku's arm shot out and grasped Mace's neck.

"Don't play dumb with me, poop head!" Riku commanded.

"I... really don't know what you're talking about!" Mace choked out.

'Kill him!' Sideous voice ordered.

"Zebra Cakes! Not Twinkies! Zebra Cakes!" Riku seethed maniacally. "Prepare to die, baldy!" Riku's saber ignited, and Riku poised his blade to kill. Mace scowled and broke free from Riku's grip and pulled out his saber.

"I'm not dying without a fight!" Mace charged forward, and purple and pink blades clashed violently.

"Then start fighting, you little shrimp boy!" Riku goaded.

"Shut up! I won't be disrespected by some turd monster!" Mace broke the saber lock and kicked Riku straight in the face. Riku flipped backwards and rolled through the dirty terrain. Rising from the dirt, covered in filth, Riku glared with all the hate he could muster. Rain began showering the landscape, of course.

"Now it's time for the dramatic fight!" Riku bounded straight at Mace, and both began a deadly dance of blades.

"Our blades are dancing!" Mace sang. Riku's eyebrow rose in confusion. Dodging into the air, Mace avoided a lethal slice from Riku's pink blade.

"Stop moving!" Riku shot out gravity magic, pulling Mace down to the ground.

"What the...!" Mace screamed as his saber and then his head were sliced into two pieces. Mace's remains crumpled to the muddy ground. Riku's eyes bulged once more and turned to a sickly red yellow.

"Zebra Cakes! Not Twinkies! Zebra Cakes!" Riku fell face first on the ground, covering his handsome features in mud. All the soldiers, especially the clone troopers and Jedi stared in fear.

'Submit to me, and you will become more powerful then any Jedi!' Sideous demanded.

"Fine! Just, tell me what to do," Riku sighed.

'Kill the monkeys and the Republic forces. Especially the Jedi!' Sideous ordered. Riku stood up and looked around him.

"Lunch break's over!" Riku yelled, as he raised his hands, and Gorillas and clone troopers exploded into pulpy meat.

"Fire!" yelled a gorilla. Riku deflected every bullet from the gorilla army. He grabbed a large metal bar and threw it clear through the gorilla forces.

"Go away! GAH! Just go!" Riku screamed as he continued his onslaught.

* * *

(Back at the Destiny Islands.)

"Prepare to launch!"

Sora, Kairi, Tifa, Cloud, Squall, and Trunks marched into their jet; all dressed in tight, black leather superhero uniforms. Each member took his or her seat in the state of the art machine, but one seat lay empty.

"Where is that girl?" Trunks demanded. Aerith scampered aboard, wearing a ridiculously Barbie doll pink, leather uniform, drawing many laughs. Trunks sat at the pilot's position with Aerith as copilot.

"All set?" Trunks asked.

"Just get this boat moving already!" Cloud ordered. "Sideous and Joint are going to pay for my limb damage!"

"But your mechanical hands make love so much more interesting," Tifa noted.

"Anyways! Let's focus on the mission people!" Squall sighed.

"Super Team, Go!"

* * *

To be continued...

Please Review!


	7. Bleeping Bleeper!

SGA: Deadly Alliance Part 7 

Thanks for reviews!

I shouldn't have to warn you guys anymore, but a few people die in this chapter.

* * *

Out in orbit of Earth, in their spaceship, Clayton and Joint planned their next move. 

"We have but only one half of the Gem of Cyttorak," Clayton stated, so all the readers could hear.

"Then where is the other half?" Joint asked.

"It is located in the Sith ruins of Korriban," Clayton replied. "Where no one would suspect it!"

Clayton and Joint took off towards Korriban, but little did they know, they had a tracking beacon placed on the outside.

* * *

(Back on Earth.) 

"Lord Sideous!" General Grievous contacted the Dark Lord.

"What news do you bring, General?" Sideous replied through a hologram.

"The location of the Cyttorak Gem has been discovered," Grievous replied," but we must make haste to Korriban if we plan to beat Clayton and Joint."

"Those fools know little about the Sith ruins. We will leave once Riku has joined us," Sideous stated.

"Yes, my lord," Grievous bowed. Sideous' hologram faded out. "Darned Riku! That brat won't last long!" Grievous stormed off to await Riku's arrival.

* * *

(On the battlefield.) 

Riku stood gazing over the scorched and weathered terrain. No life remained, and Riku screamed.

"San Diego, I am miserable," Riku wined.

"Pay you must, for your crimes committed today," a familiar raspy voice spoke behind Riku. Seething with rage and annoyance, Riku spun, saber drawn. Riku's blade met a short green blade, as Yoda's large eyes stared into Riku's soul.

"Stop staring at my soul, darn it!" Riku swung his saber hard, flinging the tiny Jedi through the air.

"See through you, I can!" Yoda declared. "Ugly on the inside you have become!" Yoda lunged forward and hacked downward. Riku held his blade horizontally over his head, blocking the deadly attack.

"Shut up!" Riku pushed upwards, flipping Yoda into a back flip, and fired a burst of Sith lightning. Yoda blocked the electricity while he flew backwards, and launched the blast back before he landed on the dirty ground. Struck in surprise by his own attack, Riku flew backwards, up into the sky, landing on a plateau. Riku pushed himself onto the ground, but Yoda was already landing on the plateau, and they both continued their fight.

"Failed as the Chosen One, you have!" Yoda jumped and hammered Riku's saber away with a one handed strike.

"How could I fail if I was never the Chosen One to begin with?" Riku demanded as he pulled his saber from being knocked back and swung, causing Yoda to dodged to the side.

"Believing the prophecies or not, the Chosen One you are! But the wrong path you chose!" Yoda placed all his strength into a Force push, launching Riku high into the air. Just then, a small carrier craft arrived and caught Riku. Riku looked into the cockpit to see several droids and General Grievous.

"Get in boy! Sideous has need of you!" Grievous ordered from an open side door. Riku climbed into the side door and sat down within the ship. "Fire at the Jedi!" Grievous commanded a droid.

"Roger, roger!" the battle droid affirmed while it fired a huge chain gun aimed at Yoda. Yoda sped off, unable to combat the ship at the moment. But then, the entire plateau exploded as five missiles made contact with the rocky platform.

"Now get moving!" Grievous yelled at the droid pilot. The ship then turned towards a large ship in orbit and blasted off.

* * *

(The Super Team Jet.) 

An impressive jet/star fighter flew through the sky at ridiculous speeds.

"I've locked onto Grievous' ship! Prepare for a bumpy ride!" Trunks exclaimed.

"Can the stereotypical pilot jabber and get going!" Cloud ordered. Their jet shot towards a huge ship just over Earth.

"Enemy fighters! Get to the guns!" Aerith ordered, while she watched radar and tracking systems. Sora, Cloud, and Squall all ran to turret guns. The boys began shooting down droid star fighters and the like, all while yelling corny punch lines and stupid jock talk.

"Get ready to land guys!" Trunks warned. He pulled the ship straight into the huge star cruiser and landed roughly. Everyone burst from their ships with weapons out, hacking and slashing through droids.

"Where the heck is Sideous?" Cloud demanded.

"He should be up near the center of the ship," Trunks reasoned. "Just follow me!" Trunks led the way towards an elevator, but suddenly, a loud engine hum rang behind the team, and they all turned to see an enemy ship land in the docking bay.

"Who are they?" Sora demanded as he drew Decisive Pumpkin, while everyone else prepared for combat. The ship doors opening wide, Riku and General Grievous emerged, lightsabers ignited.

"Sora! It's time we battled!" Riku declared. He then jumped right in front of Sora.

"Don't you ever learn?" Sora sighed.

Grievous leaped down from his ship holding four lightsabers.

"Come at me if you dare!" Grievous goaded.

"I'll kill you before I kill your master!" Cloud exclaimed, launching himself towards Grievous. Cloud brought his sword down into the ground with a massive hack, but Grievous easily dodged the attack and spun all four blades towards Cloud.

"Don't leave yourself so open!" Leon ordered Cloud as he blocked Grievous' blades.

"Saved from your own stupidity," Grievous growled at Cloud. "You won't be so fortunate next time!" Grievous broke Squall's block and stabbed forward with all four blades, painfully searing a hole straight through Squall's stomach.

"Double darn it!" Squall cried, falling to the floor.

"Squall!" Aerith screamed. She extended her hand and healed Squall.

"I'm better!" Squall proclaimed happily. His head went flying through the air. Grievous chuckled.

"Try to heal him now!" Grievous taunted.

"Revive!' Aerith yelled, bringing Squall back from the dead, head intact.

"I'm better!" Squall proclaimed happily.

"How annoying!" Grievous seethed as he threw one of his sabers through the air and into Aerith's fore head.

"Aerit-" Squall's head once again flew through the air thanks to a quick slice of Grievous' saber.

"That's two down!" Grievous laughed maniacally.

Meanwhile, Sora and Riku fought fiercely.

"Don't you know my lightsaber can cut anything? Even your key-" Riku swung his blade, but Sora blocked it. "You suck! You suck crap sacks!" Riku went berserk and began swinging with no refrain. Sora tried to block the attacks, but received a small slice on the arm and chest.

"Stop!" Kairi commanded, jumping in front of Sora before Riku could slay him. "I'll do anything! Just, don't hurt Sora!"

"Anything?" Riku's eyes glinted with... evil. "Become my slave!"

"Kairi!" Sora protested, but cringed as he held his wounds.

"All right," Kairi agreed, holding her hands forward in surrender. Riku cuffed her wrists.

"Grievous! Let's go!" Riku ordered.

Grievous charged forward, spinning through the air with his sabers, shredding up a weeping Trunks.

"Tifa! We can't fight this guy!" Cloud yelled to his equally worried wife.

"So you admit it!" Grievous laughed, springing at Cloud. Cloud blocked the flurry of blades, but Grievous swatted the buster sword away into a metal wall, cutting a huge hole into the ship. Air immediately began being sucked into the hole, and Grievous punted Cloud through the hole.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Cloud yelled as he flew through the hole, closely followed by Tifa.

"Bye Sora!" Riku grabbed Sora by his collar and threw him through the hole as well.

"Kairi!" Sora screamed.

"Sora!" Kairi cried. Finally the hull breach was sealed. Kairi turned her eyes toward Riku. "You filthy bleep! Bleeping bleeper! Son of a bleep!..." Kairi went on, all while Riku dragged her up to Sideous' throne room.

* * *

To be continued... 

Please Review!


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